I've been a little under the weather this week, with a particularly severe tension headache kicking me down for three days.
I actually sucumbed this time and visited the doctor, with the intention of asking for a prescription for stronger drugs as none of the over the counter headache meds seemed to do anything to shift it. I couldn't get into my regular doctor so I saw a new doctor in the practice, and did the whole extended interview session as she got to know me. For the first time ever, I had someone diagnose the type of headache I get and explain why they also affect my neck and upper back so much. Among other things, she explained I need to find ways to relieve my stress and why I didn't need stronger drugs.
I did tell her that I spent a fair bit of time crafting, which I consider stress relief, though she pointed out that both quilting and scrapbooking are intense on the neck and shoulder muscles I'm trying to relax. I didn't even bother to tell her how intense machine quilting could be...
And then when I went home to spend the rest of the day resting, it hit me that there are times - often - that my crafting is stressful.
When I think about why I started quilting and scrapbooking, it's pretty safe to say that adding stress to my already busy life wasn't on the agenda.
I worry about getting the latest batch of photos uploaded and printed, then getting my Project Life pages up to date. Then I worry about finishing the 27 (yep, I said it out loud, for real) quilting WIPs finished. Then I worry about whether I'll ever get to start a new quilt without guilt about the WIPs. I worry about helping my daughter get a quilt finished. I worry about whether there are enough low volumes in the world for my EPP diamonds. I worry about whether ladder stitch will be okay for EPP. I worry about the state of the mending basket. I worry about what I'll blog about next, and replying to blog comments. I worry about not having a goal for the month for ALYOF.
And that was just last week.
Yeah. It's a little crazy.
To reiterate, I'm not a professional blogger, quilter or sewist. This habit doesn't make me money. I have a full time job, and three children and a husband.
I am busy enough that I don't need my hobby to add extra pressure to my life.
I love social media and having a connection to the online quilting world as much as the next person, but honestly, sometimes I find it overwhelming. Sometimes it's hard to compare the show reels of 100 professional quilters who are designing fabrics and writing books and making quilts for market with what little I've achieved during some weeks. It's hard to remember that I will never, ever in my lifetime, even if I live to 200, make all the quilts in my head and on my pinterest board.
So after a bucket load of plans I don't stick to, goals that don't factor in that I have to work, and dreams I simply don't have time for, I'm letting it all go and changing the game.
I'm not linking up any works in progress or finishes this week. I'm not putting anything on top priority for a finish for ALYOF this month.
I might take a little break, I might not. The goal for this month, and hereafter, is to do whatever the hell I want, guilt free.
Whatever I want. When I want to.
I'll play with one project till it gets boring, then move to something else. I'll stop saying can't, have to, wait... I'll stop as soon as my body tells me we've had enough time behind the machine.
I'll stop comparing myself to others.
I'll keep documenting my quilting journey, but stop feeling compelled to finish something then jump straight into the next thing. I'll stop buying new fabric for the sake of it, but also not feel guilty about the size of my stash or new fabric that does happen to enter my home.
I'll play with design and colour and whatever else takes my fancy on any given day. I still want to grow as a quilter, but part of that comes with just doing.
Do you ever feel like this? Do you ever wonder when what you did for fun started to feel like work, even when it's not? Do you even think it's possible to quilt with no guilt?
Photos (since you can't have a post without pictures) are of my completed projects and main WIPs this year... I'm not exactly sitting round doing nothing.
If you've stuck with me this far, I appreciate it. And apologies for putting that Frozen song into your head, but it's rather appropriate, don't you think?